she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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