hotel room ftw
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize