I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
