the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
But break dance skills will only take you so far
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
