Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize