so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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