I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
