dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
