the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
