He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize