Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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