Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
