watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
being pregnant is like rehab
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
