new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
