he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
