there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
