Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
