At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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