She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize