after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
