i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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