Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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