covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
