Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
