you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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