A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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