the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i need some magic done to my vagina
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
