Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize