i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You were trust falling into bushes
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
