new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
