I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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