This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
