True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
