He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
