Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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