Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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