it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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