Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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