Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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