No stitches, just platelets and will power
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
