No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
