My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize