My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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