I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize