we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Randomize
