Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
