I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
