I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
