He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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