Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize