the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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