how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
