Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
