Kareoke will never be a sober sport
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
