I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Someone signed my nipple.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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