It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
