i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
