i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
