my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my phone needs a breathalizer
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
