Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
