did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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