tonight lets celebrate not being married
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
