I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
