I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
