I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
