Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
