i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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