wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
