wanna go halves on a baby?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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