I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
