Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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