I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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