Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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