That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
