would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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