Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
