i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just invented taco cereal.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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