i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
