i don't really know how much tequila is too much
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
there is glitter all over my balls
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