there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
