HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
