ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
