You're completely useless in the revolution.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
